Is Your Friendship Even?

The first in a series. ..

Hello! My name is Troy Donte’. Can you and I be friends? I’m channeling the 1980’s TV commercial about a talking bear name Teddy Ruxpin. SNAP OUT OF IT! You really have to be careful what you wish for when it comes to friendship.

Do we really know who our true friends are? Can you tell if you’re being used for the pure purpose of the other’s enjoyment? Do you take care of them emotionally more they take care of you? When it’s time to be there for them through thick and then; you were there for the thick part but they weren’t there for you when yours was then? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you probably need take “The Friendship Test,” the title of the article and test by Martha Beck in April’s issue of O Magazine. I took it and “Houston, I think we have a problem.”

I read the article on a recent trip up to New York City to hang out with a couple of friends. Jonathan, a fellow Howard Bison and current medical student and Cornelius, a buddy from the school of the arts we attended in Washington, D.C. Let me say these two gentlemen are great friends. In fact I have several fantastic friendships that are supportive and loyal—traits I hope I live up to. However I’m keenly aware that I also have “so-called friends” that are draining the life out of me. The time for change has arrived.

But will it be for the better? It was from my visit with Cornelius that I began to think about the real meaning of friendship—again. He debut his autobiographical one-man show in early April that largely discussed how friends helped him regrouped and move through some heavy life-shattering setbacks. While shifting in an uncomfortable chair at his show, I begin to think where I was during his life events.

Was I available to be there for him? Could I have been more present? Could I have provided necessary emotional support for him or anyone who was in a desperate situation? Yes, I know it’s a bit melodramatic to ask these questions. Even Cornelius agreed. But I always prided myself on being there for my friends, for it was them, not my family, who were there for me when times were rough. I always said, “Friends are the family members you would’ve chosen if you had the choice.” Still, I’ve found when presented with the choice of who we take as a friend, most of us make bad ones.

I wrote an article six years ago about what friendship means to me. I even had this topic on a radio show I hosted. I know much more discussion is needed around this subject for I’ve only begun to scratch the surface. But when I came across the friendship story in O, I was delighted to see I still wasn’t alone in this struggle. Maybe we should all get together or something.